Nostalgia and Heartache

photo credit: Keri Russell via photopin (license)

photo credit: Keri Russell via photopin (license)

I started watching the series Felicity, starring Keri Russell, last night. Have you seen it? It came out when I was 17/18. As I watch I feel like a teenager again lol. Is that normal?

When I emerge from the nostalgia however, I feel sad. Sad because of who I am – a 35 year old who spends 80% of her life in bed with no glimmer of anything better. I think of the person I used to be and all the dreams I once had. I then wonder what would happen to me if my caregivers were no longer able to assist me. Where would that leave me. I feel so hopeless and afraid. I don’t like the person I am now. But I’m not sure what to do to change that.

Maybe I’m just in a funky mood. Maybe in an hour or two I’ll read this and think, “Hmmm…I really should delete this because this isn’t generally how I feel.” Or maybe I’ll read it and recognize it’s all truth.

I should probably stop watching Felicity. But I won’t. Anyhoo back to my show.

– Skylar

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