Migraine and Hopelessness – MHAM Blog Challenge: Day 21

photo credit: sydney g via photopin cc

photo credit: sydney g via photopin cc

Today’s prompt:
“Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are” video (see below)

Our bodies change our minds
… and our minds change our behaviour
… and our behaviour changes our outcome
– Amy Cuddy

Chronic migraine has changed me. I was once confident, sociable and ready to take on new challenges without the fear of getting back up if I “fell”. I didn’t have to fake it. Now, there are days when I feel hopeless, overwhelmed and trapped by – what I’ve come to know and abhor – migraine.

Please note: I am currently experiencing a migraine attack, which was proceeded by depression (one of my prodromal symptoms), and sad to say the depression stayed with me. As a result, this post will probably be more somber than usual. 

As I type, I lay propped up in my bed in a “powerless position”, with no motivation to do a Wonder Woman pose or anything other than finish this article. In fact, I feel like laying in the fetal position with my ice pack and wishing all my trials away. If you scratched your head and said, “powerless position … Wonder woman?” you need to watch the video that accompanies this post (please see below).

Over the years, I’ve noticed myself become more conscious of what others think of me and more judgemental of myself. My self-esteem is almost non-existent and my posture, which used to be impeccable (can posture be impeccable), seems to shrink with every throb of my migraine headache, with every cancelled plan and with every defeat I experience. When I’m out in public, I now have to remind myself to sit up straight, walk without slouching and smile through the pain.

Without knowing it, I was carrying out a portion of Amy’s motto – “Fake it until you become it” – so much so that when people find out I have daily headaches and chronic migraines they’re shocked. Sad to say though, my mind isn’t changing.

I do however think Amy’s explanation sounds plausible. To her credit, I’ve never tried assuming power positions as a form of motivation. As a result, I plan to try it. There’s nothing morally or ethically wrong with it and it’s all natural – no need to worry about any side effect other than confidence.

So for the next few weeks, I’m going to be Wonder Woman. I’m going to try “Faking it until I become it”, as Amy said, and let you know how I’m progressing.

– Skylar – soaring in pain … low in spirits

For more information on this blog challenge (hosted by the American Headache & Migraine Association (AHMA)), and/or to participate see more at: MHAM Blog Challenge 2014 .


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