Day Dream – MHAM Blog Challenge: Day 20

photo credit: mateus, via photopin cc

photo credit: mateus, via photopin cc

Today’s prompt: “Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.” Edgar Allen Poe 

In this quote, Edgar Allen Poe, comments on two types of dreams: day dreams and the unconscious dreams we have when we’re asleep. It appears that, from his perspective, day dreamers have the advantage. Why?

Unconscious dreams can’t be controlled and many are beyond our reach. They can range from a nightmare about failing an exam, to flying in your backyard or riding a purple unicorn – but we can’t consciously decided what we’ll dream about; nor can we make ourselves dream or prevent them.

On the other hand, day dreams happen while we’re conscious. They’re happy thoughts about goals we want to and can achieve or attainable hopes that are dear to our heart (though some can be fantastical). We CAN control them – so much so that we can also prevent them.

As a chronic migraineur, I find it hard (not impossible), to day dream about things that I personally have to work to accomplish. Why? Most of the things I plan to do fail – grocery shopping, attending an event, spending time with those I love (in fact our good friends had a baby last week and we haven’t gone to see them yet). Consequently my view is, if I don’t plan or dream, then I won’t fail. If I don’t fail, then I won’t feel ashamed. As a result, I tend to savour and enjoy moments.

Yet, oddly enough this view doesn’t make me completely happy. Most days I feel like I’m just existing, not living. But I’ve disappointed so many by cancelling dinner, babysitting etc. (though they’re usually good about it). Or disappointed myself, by deciding to have people over only to cancel because my hubby and I couldn’t get the house prepared, and the list goes on for miles.

Then there’s the “good day” syndrome – i.e. I still have head pain it’s just tolerable, but I don’t have light sensitivity or other migraine symptoms.

When a day like that begins I’m optimistic, thinking wow things are looking up, maybe this new way of eating; new prescription; massage therapy … is working. I almost always over-do-it. As a result, later that day or early the next, wham the headache increases, light sensitivity returns along with nausea and sometimes vomiting, mild vertigo and so on. Then I’m timid and extra careful for a few weeks remembering the crushing pain and discomfort I was in.

Even on “good days” when I take it easy, which is harassing in itself, my migraine symptoms, though mild, return.

All that said, I do want to change my way of thinking and in fact that’s a plan – Yay! However, in the interim, I do yearn for and meditate on things that I have no control over, as I can’t botch them up. My blog post, My Hope, My Dream highlights that. Therefore I am not hopeless. After all a person without hope is merely a living corpse and I still have quite a bit of spice left in me.

– Skylar

For more information on this blog challenge (hosted by the American Headache & Migraine Association (AHMA)), and/or to participate see more at: MHAM Blog Challenge 2014 .

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