As I sit in my darkened room propped up against my pillows I mourn for the person I am inside. The person I used to be. The person I was going to be.
Sometimes I tear up when I see my parents. They’re so loving and encouraging. They denied me no opportunity when I was young. I did ballet, rode horses, swam for a team, went to Mexico for a summer to learn spanish … I can still see their proud smiling faces for each event and occasion. I can also see their worried stares as they hugged each other while watching me slide into my first MRI.
I should be helping them now. Buying them little gifts, helping them with medical expenses, preparing financially so I can make their retirement years cushy and enjoyable. But it’s the reverse, because I’m “chained” to my bed with my head propped up against my pillows.
I tear up for my husband who takes care of me and the house because I’m always ill, who puts up with my constant mood swings and carries the financial load. He said to me once, “I’m no fair weather friend,” and he’s lived up to that everyday since.
I should be making him breakfast, packing his lunch and sending him off with a kiss. Welcoming him to a clean home, with a sumptuous dinner. Going to art shows, parties, dinner and dancing, volunteering, out with the girls … yet I’m “chained” to my bed with my head propped up against my pillows.
I tear up for the confident girl who saw an opportunity and went after it with her “face to the wind”. I long for the women who assisted others without tiring out. I mourn for the person that loved life and was always on the go. Instead I’m “chained” to my bed with my head propped up against my pillows.
– Skylar (Written with cheeks smothered by tears.)
For more information on this blog challenge (hosted by the American Headache & Migraine Association (AHMA)), and/or to participate see more at: MHAM Blog Challenge 2014 .
See below the video prompt suggested by AHMA to act as an inspiration for this post.